


By Any Other Name

by sinemoras09



Series: What Remains [5]
Category: Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms, Fate/stay night: Unlimited Blade Works (Anime 2014)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Drabble Collection, F/M, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-09
Updated: 2015-07-24
Packaged: 2018-04-08 13:17:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4306551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinemoras09/pseuds/sinemoras09
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Collection of drabbles and oneshots taking place after the fic, <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/4238829">What Remains</a>, where Rin manages to re-summon Archer. Complete.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. By Any Other Name

**Author's Note:**

> Fic based on the Ufotable anime. I'm not familiar with the visual novels, so if anything doesn't fit, consider this an AU :)

The summoning doesn't feel the same when the world sends him. There is a sudden blackness, cold and windy, and he has no sense of direction, of which way is up or down or even the position of his body. He materializes and he sees himself standing in a bedroom: there is a summoning circle and a pile of spent jewels, and lying at its center is his old amulet, gleaming in the thin moonlight.  
  
It's only a moment of brief disorientation before EMIYA figures out where he is.  
  
"Welcome back," Rin says, and she smiles at him. Her smile weakens. Her face goes pale.  
  
She passes out and EMIYA lurches forward, catching her before she can hit the floor.  
  
He lifts her and carefully lays her on the bed. Her mana is depleted. Her face is pale and limp strands of black hair stick to her face.  
  
"Rin," EMIYA says. Quietly he lays a hand on her brow, before reverently pulling a blanket up over her shoulders.  
  
He remembers, vaguely, back before he was Archer and even before he became EMIYA, how Rin had sat, night after night, drawing her blood and infusing it into a fist-sized emerald. He remembers waking at 2 a.m. to see her crouched at the foot of the bed, the ambient glow of her mana pulsing in the darkened room.  
  
"What are you doing?" Shirou asked. Rin glanced up.  
  
"Shirou? Oh, sorry! I didn't mean to wake you."  
  
"Is that an emerald?" He moved and squatted next to her, curiously. Rin shook her head.  
  
"I'm storing my mana," Rin said, and she turned back to the emerald, concentrating. "My mana is highest at 2 a.m., so I'm trying to make the most of it."  
  
"You should go to bed," Shirou said. "You have a test tomorrow and you need to get some sleep."  
  
"I have more important things than tests," Rin said. She furrowed her brow, concentrating. "If what Archer said is true, in a few years you're going to be hanged. I'm going to save enough mana to bring you back to life."  
  
"Back to life?" Shirou said. Rin nodded.  
  
"The amulet my father gave me had ten years' worth of mana stored in it," Rin said. "If I can store up enough mana in this jewel, I can save you again, if I need to." He frowned and rubbed his head.  
  
"Tohsaka. No one's getting hanged."  
  
"So are you going to join the Clock Tower, then?"  
  
"No."  
  
"So that's why I'm doing this!" Rin glared. "I'm doing this because you're an idiot, Emiya Shirou. And I'm not going to have my idiot boyfriend die just because he does something stupid."  
  
Neither of them knew that he would die in just a few short years, and that the mana she stored wasn't nearly enough to help him.  
  
He glances at the clock: it's a little after 2 a.m. He frowns and strokes her hair again, before taking off his cloak and draping it on top of her.  
  
It has been a long time since EMIYA has stepped foot into the world. His boots are heavy against the floor as he walks, frowning and surveying his surroundings. For as long as he'd known her, Tohsaka Rin was immaculate to a fault. Cold, austere, elegant. Nothing was ever out of place. But he walks around her apartment now and sees nothing but garbage: unwashed clothes and empty boxes; a pile of unwashed dishes several weeks old; thick rings of black sludge in the sink and toilet. Garbage bags are piled beside an overflowing trashcan and dead flies litter the countertop.  
  
Quietly, EMIYA looks at the kitchen table and pushes away the piles of wrappers and other detritus to see page after frantic page of magic spells, different configurations of summoning circles she must have tried and failed. His heart is in his throat when he picks up one crumpled page and walks back into the bedroom, where Rin is lying curled up on her side.  
  
He leans over and kisses her brow. Then he rises, looking at the mess of the apartment in front of him.  
  
He starts to get to work.  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
It's morning, and a thick rectangle of light volleys from the window and into Rin's eyes.  
  
"It's almost noon and you're finally awake." EMIYA steps through the doorway, frowning. "Although I suppose that is to be expected. You drained yourself of mana and nearly killed yourself in the process. You were never much of a morning person, though."  
  
"Shirou," Rin says. Her chest heaves. Her eyes fill with tears.  
  
She lurches out of bed, stumbling toward him and throwing her arms around his waist, sobbing uncontrollably.  
  
"Stupid Shirou!" Rin says. She sobs harder. "Don't you know what I've been going through?"  
  
"I have an idea," EMIYA says, quietly. She clings to his chest as he strokes her hair.

 


	2. A complex (EXPLICIT)

"Archer!"

He's pounding her on the bed, one leg on his shoulder while the other bumps against his ribs. "Oh! Oh! Archer!"

"Emiya," EMIYA tells her. He kisses her mouth and her neck, thrusting inside her. "My name is Emiya."

"Stupid Shirou, I know that! Just humor me, okay?"

"Hm."

"Oh!" Rin says, as he hooks an arm around her body and slams into her, hard and fast. "Oh! Archer! Archer!"

"You know, this could really hurt my feelings," EMIYA says. He pushes himself up on his arms for better traction.

"Oh shut up, Archer, you know you don't care."

"True enough," EMIYA says. He grins and kisses her, breathing hard and pressing his cheek against her forehead.

He had heard of other ways to transfer mana. When he was Rin's Servant, the thought never even crossed his mind: she was just a girl, then. But now, kissing her and moving inside her, he can feel the surge of her mana flowing between them. Her magic crest is what anchors him here, but what makes his body practically flesh is the sex they've been having. He pumps into her and he feels her straining her neck out toward his chest, one hot cheek pressed against his sternum. Even as a grown woman, she's so much smaller than him, grasping at his shoulders while her thin legs wrap tight around his flanks.

She has a bit of a madonna-whore complex, which amuses him. She prefers Shirou in the kitchen and Archer in the bedroom, so to speak, and EMIYA obliges her, mostly because he can tease her about it later.

"Harder!" Rin says. She's panting into his chest. "Archer, harder!"

"Say my name," EMIYA says.

"Huh?" Rin says. She seems vaguely irritated that he was speaking to her.

"Say my name," EMIYA says. "Or else all of this can stop."

"What are you talking about?" Rin says, and EMIYA withdraws from her in one smooth stroke, pleased to see her gasp a little at its abruptness. "Shirou, dammit--"

"That's better," he says, and he pushes back into her again. Rin glares at him and rolls him onto his back.

"You must be more out of your mind than usual," Rin says, as she lowers herself on top of him. Her hands push down against his as she straddles him, mouth open and breasts brushing against his chest. She rides him hard with her eyes squeezed shut, the muscles of her thighs clenching tight as she leans forward.

"You know, I was thinking, I really should care about what you call me," EMIYA says, as if Rin's hands weren't on his chest and she wasn't rocking her hips on his lap. "You wouldn't like it if I asked to call you 'Sakura,' now would you?

Or maybe I should call you 'Saber,'" EMIYA says, conversationally. "Yes. I think I like the sound of that. Did you know, Rin, that if I close my eyes, I can just picture Saber bouncing on top of me instead of you? I think that would be very pleasant."

"Saber is a different person," Rin says. She looks really pissed off at him now, but evidently not enough to stop moving on top of him. "Just...uhhn...stop talking for a minute. Because I think I'm about to come."

"I wonder what the Knight of knights looks like when she comes," EMIYA says.

"Dammit, Archer--"

"Rin, do me a favor and put a bag over your head. I can fantasize better when I can't see your face."

"Dammit!" Rin says, and she whacks him on the chest. EMIYA starts laughing. "I thought I told you to stop talking?" Rin says.

"My apologi--ow!" he laughs and winces as she hits him hard against the shoulder.

"You're so annoying!" Rin says, and he smirks and wraps his arms around her, rolling her onto her back. "Listen here, Archer, you should be grateful to me. You should be thanking me, because if not for me, you'd be sitting all alone in that...that place--" and her voice cuts off a little bit as he thrusts. "--and you wouldn't be doing this, Archer, do you hear me?"

EMIYA responds by pinching her nipples and throwing back her words: "Can you not talk for a minute? Because I think I'm about to come."

"Stop making fun of me!" Rin says, and she kicks her heels against his ribs for emphasis. "Dammit, Archer, you talk too much, you know that?"

"That's probably because there's usually no one else to talk to," EMIYA says.

He's about to speak again, when he sees the look on Rin's face. EMIYA stops.

"Rin?"

She has a look on her face, like she's just found a dead body or killed her best friend.

"I'm sorry," Rin says. She looks up at him, quietly. "I didn't mean to."

She's thinking about the wasteland again. He brushes his thumb along the side of her face.

"Don't be silly," EMIYA says, and he drops a soft kiss on her lips, moving inside her gently. "I do talk too much."

"Huh. So you admit it."

"It can't be helped, since you're so easy to tease."

"Stupid Shirou," Rin says, and he moves again with deliberate strokes.

"Ne, Shirou?"

"Hm?"

"It doesn't really hurt your feelings, right? When I call you that?"

He lets the pace of his strokes slow a little as he considers. "I suppose it isn't any different than me calling you 'Tohsaka' instead of 'Rin,'" EMIYA says.

"Good," she says.

He thrusts silently into her for a few minutes, keeping in time with the ticking of the clock on the nightstand, when he feels Rin shift beneath him.

"Can you go faster?" Rin says. Her eyes flick upward. EMIYA nods.

"Okay," he says, and he hefts her leg over his shoulder.


	3. A Dream

_There is a cold wind that rises out from the barren plains, and Rin stands, hair whipping like banners and rubbing her arms. Around her, there is nothing but craggy rock and streaks of pale sunlight, which drifts through the monolithic black gears turning above her. Shirou's hands are clasped around the hilt of a sword._

_Rin's eyes widen as he plunges the blade deep into his chest, the sudden gush of blood blooming over the frayed fabric of his cloak._

_"Shirou!" Rin says. She stretches out an arm and runs toward him. "Shirou! Stop!"_

_He rips the sword out and staggers onto the ground._

 

*****

 

Rin wakes. It's nighttime and she's in her bedroom.

Shirou is asleep. His face is tucked between the skin of her back and a pillow, and his arm is draped over her waist. With effort, Rin turns on her side so that she's facing him, resting her head against the warm border of his shoulder.

In sleep, Shirou's face is almost boyish, the harsh furrow of his brow smooth and placid. His breathing is deep and even, and she can feel the rise and fall of his ribcage with each tidal breath. Carefully, she presses a chaste kiss on his forehead before settling in against him, trying to push the dream out of her mind.

 _He tried to kill himself_. The knowledge sinks inside her like a weighted stone. The dreams are not vague, this time: their connection is stronger and the memories come to her with startling clarity.

He was hurting. She sees the men he's killed, his agony, how much he tortured himself over it. Sees how he tried to make it all end.

"Rin?"

Rin blinks. Shirou shifts to look at her.

"Sorry," Rin says. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"You're crying," Shirou says.

"No, I'm not," Rin says, and she wipes her eyes. Shirou wraps his arms around her and pulls her flush against his chest. She shuts her eyes and hugs him, hard.

"What's wrong?" Shirou says. He's speaking into her forehead. Rin shakes her head.

"I had a dream where you tried to kill yourself," Rin says.

"That would be difficult, seeing as I am already dead," Shirou says.

"You were in the wasteland," Rin says. He doesn't say anything at first. She feels him hug her tighter.

"That was a long time ago," Shirou says, quietly. "I barely remember it."

She lies back against him and feels him run his hand soothingly over the nape of her neck. "Ne, Shirou," Rin says, and Shirou shifts to look at her. "Did things get better for you? After the war, I mean?"

He studies her face, like he's deciding just how much to tell her. "I tried my best," he says. "And then you summoned me again."

"Oh," Rin says. She's starting to feel sleepy. His body is warm and she's nestled comfortably against him.

 

*****

 

He is summoned back the next day. She watches him rise as motes of light curl at his feet.

"Rin," he says, and Rin goes to hug him. "I will see you soon."

"Good luck," Rin says, and he smiles. His body dissipates into the air.


	4. Interlude

When he was alive, Rin used to tease Shirou that he was the girl in the relationship.

It made sense: he was the one who cooked, who cleaned, who worried about her when she came home too late. Even when he left the clock tower and roamed the desert with the other mercenaries, he still worried over Rin's beddings and was the one who procured their food (it was comical, actually. Seeing Shirou, broad-shouldered and wearing camoflaged fatigues, bending over a little hotplate on the counter and warming up a can of stew, tasting and stirring it as if he had actually made it.)

The other thing was, Shirou was really passive in bed. 

Not that he couldn't be passionate - Shirou knew how to work Rin into a frenzy, if Rin asked him to - but she knew what he liked best was slow and gentle, that he liked it when she climbed on top and took him with slow, deliberate strokes. He would close his eyes and lay his head to the side, like a damsel in a romance novel, panting softly with a blush on his cheeks. When he would come, he would reach a mute state of pliable senselessness, eyes closed like half-moons while his mouth would open in a soft, silent 'o.'

Archer doesn't seem to be aware of it, but unless Rin specifically asks, making love to him is exactly like making love to Shirou.

Of course, Rin knows they are the same person. Shirou at his core hasn't changed, even if he's become somewhat hardened by his experience as a guardian, and while Shirou-as-Archer is more sarcastic and more prone to excessive eye-rolling, in bed he craves the same sort of comfort. When he's on top he likes to kiss her slow and deep and rest his face in the crook of her shoulder, and when she climbs up on top of him, his eyes will close into those same two half-moons, his face will crack into a blush, and he will look every bit as helpless to her ministrations as a damsel in a romance novel.

So she calls him "Archer," to goad him. Be more aggressive, throw her on the bed. Rip off her clothes, like she wants him to, and Shirou obliges because he never says no. (Rin would never force him if it made him uncomfortable. And she knows him well enough to tell when she's overstepped her bounds, when he's doing something that makes him uneasy and embarrassed. Any other lover would take advantage, but not Rin. Rin knows how to take care of him.)

Tonight, she can tell that Shirou doesn't want to be aggressive. He appears in front of her, drenched in moonlight, looking weary and fatigued and in desperate need of comfort. So she kisses him gently and pulls him into bed. Makes love to him by climbing on top, touches him and caresses him, watches that blush crack across his face. He is as tender and helpless as a child, it seems, and when he comes, it's with a silent shudder, pulsing inside her with a breathy moan.

She lies on top of him and listens to his heartbeat, dropping soft kisses along the line of his jaw and his collarbone, and waits for one of them to decide when to get up and clean themselves off. She decides he'd better be the one, because he seems comfortable and awfully close to falling asleep, but also because she doesn't want to risk hurting his feelings.

And Shirou does eventually get up, moving out from under her with difficulty and grimacing a little at the large wet spot in the middle of the bed. They shower and dress and she helps him tug off the bedclothes and pull on a fresh sheet over the mattress. Then they sink against each other, Rin cuddling him and kissing him and making him feel safe. 

She doesn't mind doing it like this, sometimes. But personally she'd rather just call him "Archer."


	5. Execution

It was dark in Shirou's jail cell except for the ambient light of the torch in the hallway, and except for the sound of a pipe dripping, everything was quiet. Quietly he shifted, the chains around his wrists and ankles dragging against the floor.

He heard the heavy door open. Shirou lifted his eyes, expecting to see another guard or another soldier coming to torture him. A circle of light bobbed up and down as the sound of footsteps bounded down the corridor.

"Shirou?"

Rin shined her torch into his cell.

"Tohsaka! What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to get you out," Rin said, and she squatted by the iron bars, pulling out a knapsack. "I put the guards to sleep, but I have to hurry. The spell won't last more than a few minutes."

"You shouldn't be here," Shirou said. He gripped the bars, standing over her. "Tohsaka, you could be killed!"

"It won't be long," Rin said, and she pulled out a jewel. "I'll melt these bars down in a jiffy."

Shirou paced. Rin knelt, brow knit in concentration, because the jail was reinforced by ancient magecraft; only a mage of Caster's caliber could set him free. "Tohsaka, they'll kill you," Shirou said, again. "Even if you do manage to get us out of here, where will we go? We're in the middle of the desert," Shirou said, and he tried to keep his voice from rising.

"I told you coming here was a stupid idea," Rin said. A jewel sparked. Tohsaka scowled. "They're gonna hang you tomorrow, you know that?"

"They're not going to hang me, I'm just going to be on trial."

"And you're going to be found guilty!" Rin said. "Stupid Shirou, just shut up a minute, okay? I'm going to get you out of here."

She worked. Small sparks flew as she concentrated the heat of her mana on the iron bar.

"I don't want to leave," Shirou said. Rin looked up.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Rin said. Shirou shook my head.

"If I leave, they'll find someone else to take my place. And if I let that happen, I couldn't live with myself. I might as well be guilty," Shirou said.

"Huh?!" Rin set down her bag. "That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard, Emiya Shirou, and--" she lowered her voice, realizing she was yelling and dropping it down to a whisper, "--and if you don't shut up for a minute and let me work I'm going to get really mad."

"Tohsaka," Shirou said, and he gripped her hand holding the bar. "You should go," Shirou said. "Before anyone finds you." Rin's face was pale.

"I'm not leaving you," Rin said. Shirou shook his head.

"I thought your motto was 'self before others,'" Shirou said. "It's not safe. And if they catch you consorting with me, they'll execute you too."

Rin looked at him a long moment. Her eyes were hard and her mouth was a thin pressed line, and he could tell from the way she was glaring at him that she was trying her hardest not to cry. "You're going to die," she said. A tear rolled down her face. "They're going to kill you and you're going to let them."

"It's okay," Shirou said, and he squeezed her hand over the bar. "I'm going to become a Hero of Justice. I'm not really going to die."

Rin squeezed her eyes shut. More tears fell. "You're so fucking stupid," Rin said. She touched her forehead against the bar, and Shirou touched his forehead against hers. "I thought you didn't like seeing other people cry."

"Tohsaka," Shirou said.

"I love you, you idiot," Rin said, and Shirou's eyes filled with tears. She cried openly now, shoulders shaking against the bar. "I don't want you to die. So you're going to fucking _stay there_ and listen to me for once, okay?" and she yanked out another jewel.

Rin worked. She worked even though they both know it was hopeless. It didn't stop Rin from trying.

"Shit," Rin said. Her last jewel winked out, and was spent. "Shit, shit, _shit_."

"Tohsaka," Shirou said, and he looked up to the sound of guards waking, rustling in the corner. "Tohsaka, you need to get out of here."

"I'm going to revive you," Rin said. She gripped his hands, desperately. "I have that emerald, it'll be just like with the amulet, okay? After they hang you I'm going to get your body and...and I'll wake you up. I'll heal you and we can go back to London and you can stop being such a fucking moron--"

"I love you," Shirou said. Rin's face was stricken.

"Stop it," Rin said. "Stop talking like you're going to die!"

"I just wanted you to know that," Shirou said. Rin closed her eyes.

 

*****

 

On the day of his execution, Shirou was led through the crowd. The crowd was jeering, shouting obscenities and throwing rocks and garbage at him. One rock slammed against the side of his head and Shirou winced, keeping his eyes forward.

Rin was in the crowd. Her face was stricken. She rushed toward him, pushing through the crowd.

"Look at me," Rin said. "Shirou, I know you're scared, just keep watching me."

The guards shoved him forward.

"Look at me!" Rin said, and he kept his eyes fixed on hers as the crowd jeered at him. "Shirou, please. I love you. Please keep watching!"

He saw her face twist as they pulled the noose tight around his neck, saw her tears slip just as they pulled the hood over his head.

It is the first of many regrets; he hated that he made her cry.


	6. Healing (MATURE)

It wakes her from sleep: the sound of something heavy clattering against the floor.

"Shirou?" Rin rubs the sleep from her eyes and peers out into the darkness. "Are you back?"

"Rin," Archer says. Rin's eyes widen.

He is crouching on the floor, two long swords shoved to the hilt through his back. There is a large gash at his side and his arms are covered in small cuts and bruises; the blades stick out of his chest like broken ribs.

"I'm home," Archer says, and he gives her a weak smile before he doubles over.

"Shirou!" Rin says, and she jumps out of bed. Her hands are shaking when she touches the blade.

"What is this? Why were you stabbed? What's going on?"

She's never seen him like this. She wrings her hands, agonized. "Shirou, why are these swords still here? Shouldn't they have disappeared?"

Archer breathes, bracing his ribs with his hand. "I failed," he says.

"Failed? What do you mean you failed?"

"I couldn't kill them," Archer says. He closes his eyes.

"Rin, take me to the bathroom."

"Huh?! The bathroom? Shirou, you need to go to the bathroom?" Rin stares at the two swords sticking out of his chest, incredulously. Archer shakes his head.

"I'm bleeding on your carpet," he says.

"Who cares about the carpet!" Rin says.

"You are not the one who has to clean it up later."

Rin glares and grips one of the handles. "I'm going to pull these out, okay? And then I'll heal you and you'll feel better--"

"Rin, don't. I'll bleed more--"

"Okay, Shirou, I'm going to pull--"

"Don't--" Archer starts, but Rin braces a hand against his shoulder and _heaves_. The sword comes out with a sickening pop, and there's a spray of warm blood leaking all over her hand.

"If I were alive..." and Archer sighs, "...that would have made me bleed to death."

"Sorry," Rin says. She touches the other sword. "What do you want me to do with this one?"

Archer closes his eyes. "Pull it," he says. She grips the hilt and heaves.

She pulls the second blade out with one harsh yank, and Archer pitches forward, just barely catching himself before lowering himself on Rin's lap. The sword clatters on the ground and immediately dissipates, along with the other one lying beside her.

"Forgive me," Archer says. He smiles weakly at her. "This is the first time you've seen me fail, right?" Rin looks at him, horrified. Archer continues. "There are times I am...unable...to stop whatever it is that needs to be stopped. They caught me," Shirou says, and he grimaces. "I was unprepared."

"So what happens now?" Rin says. "Do they send another guardian?"

"They will summon me back there, once I've fully recovered." Archer smiles. "Do not look so shocked. You've seen it in your visions, right? All the times I've been killed...

I will just have to figure out a better way to stop them."

"Shirou," Rin says. He sighs into her lap.

"Just let me rest here a moment," Archer says, and he closes his eyes.

 

*****

 

She presses a jewel against his side and concentrates. Feels her mana heating up within her palm.

Nothing. She can already see his body starting to de-materialize.

He normally recovers in the wasteland. Rin understands, even without him explaining it to her, that his mana is not replenishing nearly as quickly as it should be. Hours pass, and she watches him stir in a fitful sleep, taking shallow, labored breaths, a thin film of sweat coating his brow.

"Shirou," Rin says, and she fingers her jewel, nervously.

"I think I need to sleep with you," Rin says.

Archer's eyes crack open. She can see blood crusting on the bottom of his lip.

"I am hardly in the mood, Rin," Archer says.

"Yeah, no kidding. It's so I can heal you," Rin says.

Archer sighs and opens his eyes. "Fine," he says, and with difficulty rolls onto his back. Rin sets her jaw and starts fumbling with the clasp on his belt.

Awkward doesn't begin to describe what she's doing; though they've had sex plenty of times before, this is the first time neither of them wants to do it, and she finds herself staring at the wall, blushing furiously as she awkwardly massages his penis in her hand.

"This is such a stupid way to transfer mana," Rin says. She takes him into her mouth, which normally would make him thicken and lengthen, but the sensation now is a little bit like tonguing an earlobe, and she can see Archer manfully staring up at the ceiling. "Ugh! Geez! You're not getting hard!"

"Well what did you expect? I lost a lot of blood."

"Dammit," Rin says, and she looks around. There is a streak of blood on the ground from where Archer had dragged himself into the bed, and the bedsheets are saturated with blood. Blue mana sloughs off in harsh torrents from his body, and his face is ashen, pale. If she doesn't hurry, Rin realizes, they'll lose their connection and he'll be stuck in the wasteland again. Rin furrows her brow.

"I think," Rin says, and her brow furrows. "I think I need to be the one to penetrate you."

Archer's eyes widen. "You cannot be serious," Archer says.

"I'll use one of my vibrators," Rin says, and she jumps up, running across the bedroom. There is a look of horror on Archer's face as Rin rummages through her dresser.

"Rin," Archer says, and he scoots up against the headboard, pulling up his pants. "You know I love you and I appreciate the sentiment, but if you come anywhere near me with that thing, I will defend myself."

"Don't worry, Shirou, this one's small." She holds up the purple dildo, showing him. "It's barely the width of my fingers, it'll be fine. I'll be gentle. I'll use lube."

"Rin," Archer says, and he stands from the bed, holding up his hands. "This is unnecessary! I am not that injured."

"You're _dying_ ," Rin says, and she starts toward him.

"Do not do this," Archer says, and he grabs a lamp and holds it out toward her.

"Are you really going to hit me with that lamp?" Rin says.

"No, but I can knock that thing out of your hand," Archer says, and he wobbles. Rin stares.

"Look at you! You're going to pass out," Rin says. "Dammit, Shirou, quit being a baby! Lie down!" she says, and she shoves him back against the mattress. "Do you think I want to do this?" Rin says. She holds the vibrator against her chest like a crucifix, tears pricking the corners of her eyes. "I don't want to do this anymore than you do! But if I don't--" and she squeezes her eyes, willing herself not to cry. "If I don't, Shirou....Shirou you'll fade away!"

"Is that what this is about?" Archer says, incredulously. "Rin. Our connection is fine."

"You're sloughing off mana, our connection is fading!"

"I am not your Servant, Rin," Archer says. "I'm a guardian. This is normal for me."

"But my mana is giving you shape and form--" Rin starts, but Archer shakes his head.

"The world is giving me shape and form. All you've done is tethered me here."

"So you're not going to disappear?"

"No," Archer says. Rin's shoulders shake. Her face crumbles.

"I was so scared!" Rin says, and she starts to sob. Archer hugs her, pulling her on top of him. "I've never seen you so hurt like this! I didn't want to lose you!"

"It's okay, just...put that thing down," Archer says, and they both look at the purple dildo Rin is clutching in her hand.

 

*****

 

Somehow, in the midst of all of this, Rin manages to fall asleep.

He's still there when she wakes. It's dark in the early morning, but she can see the mana seeping from his wounds has already closed. The bruises on his skin have started to recede, and pink, translucent scars criss-cross his chest and shoulders. She can feel the hard raised scabs under her thumbs.

"How are you feeling?" Rin asks. Archer smiles.

"Better," he says. "Another day or two and I should be fully healed."

"It's my fault, isn't it?" Rin says. "If you were in the wasteland, you'd heal quicker."

"True," Archer says. "But it's just as well I'm not healing quickly, anyway. As soon as I'm healed, the world will just send me back there again. I'd rather not go there until I formulate a better plan."

"So they'll just keep sending you back?" Rin says. "Over and over again?"

"At least until I am able to kill them."

"That's awful," Rin says. She feels him gently stroking her hair.

"Ne, Shirou," Rin says. "How do you think Masters sleep with Servants, anyway? It doesn't seem to work."

"Under the right circumstances, it should work just fine. Knowing that your Master will heal you, no matter how injured. It is a wonderful motivator," Archer says.

"Really?" Rin pushes herself up on her elbows to look at him. "Would you have slept with me back then? During the war?"

"Do you mean as I am now, or when I was younger?"

"When I summoned you," Rin says. Archer shakes his head.

"No," Archer says. "I wouldn't want to take advantage of you."

"Even if you were dying?"

"Especially if I were dying."

"Huh," Rin says. She furrows her brow.

"What about, if the war was going on now, and I summoned you. And everything is the same except I'm older. Would you sleep with me then?"

"Is my younger self there or no?" Archer says.

"Uh, he's roaming the desert. Like a moron."

Archer frowns. "Truthfully? I'd probably be more focused on erasing myself," Archer says.

"Well, okay! Let's say you weren't suicidal and your younger self decided to be a manager at Starbucks or something, and everything is okay except there's the war. Would you sleep with me then or not?"

"I sleep with you now, I do not understand this line of questioning," Archer says. Rin glares.

"I'm just wondering!" Rin says. Archer sighs.

"I suppose I probably would sleep with you, if my mana were depleted. You are a grown woman. I would not feel as bad using you."

"'Using me?'" Rin says. Archer shrugs.

"It would not be a love-based relationship," Archer says. "Merely a Master replenishing her Servant. And I would caution you not to develop feelings for me, as the duration of the summoning would be inherently limited."

Rin grins at him. She punches him in the arm.

"But you would fall in love with me, right?" Rin says. She kisses his ear. "You'd want to protect me even more."

"I would let you think that, so you'd be more willing to replete my mana."

"You're such a jerk," Rin says, smiling. She settles against his chest, then peers over the bed.

"Damn," she says, and she sees the huge puddles of blood streaking up and down the carpet. "You think that'll disappear when you get summoned?"

Archer sighs, tragically.

"That is why I asked you to take me to the bathroom."


	7. End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End quote is Edna St. Vincent Millay, from a letter to Arthur Davison Ficke. You can read the letter [here](http://theamericanreader.com/19-october-1921-edna-st-vincent-milay-to-arthur-davison-ficke/).

1.

Sleep was a welcome respite in the wasteland. After each mission, the world would send him back to that desolate landscape, and EMIYA would stagger toward the nearest patch of empty ground not already covered by one of his many, many weapons. He would pass out into unconsciousness while he recuperates: sometimes he will be lucky and he will appear next to one of the few sparse, dead trees, and he will lean his back against the knotted trunk and close his eyes.

It always takes a moment for EMIYA to get his bearings after he wakes. His mind will sluggishly crawl to consciousness, and he will become dimly aware of the cold air and the hard ground beneath him. Pushing himself upright, he will readjust his cloak and squint his eyes, taking a moment to feel the numbing chill of the cold wind against his tired body. The world will restore him then, and it will be as if he was never covered with dirt and sweat and old, dried blood.

It's different this time when he wakes. There is softness and a feeling of warmth, and it takes a moment for his mind to orient itself. He is not in the wasteland. Rin is curled up against him, and her small body is backlit with yellow sunlight.

There is a lank piece of hair falling over her eyes, and EMIYA quietly reaches over to brush it back, letting his fingers brush lightly against the skin of her temple.

"Shirou I'm sleeping," Rin says, annoyed at him. She bats his hand away and burrows into a pillow.

EMIYA smiles to himself. He has a memory of traveling with her in the desert. He would try to hold her and she would whine that it was too hot, his skin was too sticky, and dammit, Shirou, can't you just not spoon me for once, you're such a freaking girl. Even their last night together, the night before he got captured, Rin was loudly complaining that it was hot and that he slept too close, and that they needed a bigger bed. Neither of them knew he would be captured, that he would be hanged and that Rin would spend the next night sobbing into his pillowcase. It would be one of her biggest regrets, she told him: that she hadn't hugged him or made love to him that last night. ("You couldn't have known," EMIYA said.

"But I did know! You told me it would happen."

"It was hot," EMIYA reminded her.)

Now Rin squints her eyes and rolls away from him. "Stoooop," she says.

"Stop what?" EMIYA says.

"Stop staring at me, I'm trying to sleep."

He smiles and kisses the back of her neck. It is oddly comforting, knowing that Rin is taking his presence for granted. For all they knew, her summoning could end and the world could keep him in the wasteland. That she would loudly whine and complain that he was spooning her too much suggested a sort of permanence of their situation: she isn't worried about losing him. It makes him feel more at ease.

He dresses; walks around their kitchen, makes tea and breakfast. Wraps his hands around a cup and sits by an open window. The clock ticks and he finds that he misses her, so he goes up the stairs to see if she's finally awake.

She isn't. He lingers at the edge of the doorway for a moment, before quietly shutting the door.

 

*****

 

Rin wakes, and isn't entirely surprised to find the space in the bed next to hers is empty. She has a vague memory of him waking her up by kissing the back of her neck; she yelled at him to stop being annoying and pushed him out of the bed. I need to stop doing that, Rin thinks. She would hate for him to be summoned and the last thing he remembers is her yelling at him to let her sleep.

"Shirou?" She glances around. "Are you here?"

She's never really sure if he's been summoned again, not until she goes downstairs to see him cleaning or cooking or doing all the mundane domestic stuff she always ignored. She walks around the room, frowning and rubbing her arms, until she glances behind her and sees his cloak still slung over the back of the chair.

Oh. Well he has to be here if he's left his cloak. Rin pads over and looks at his guardian's clothes folded neatly on the dresser.

She picks up the cloak, frowning a little. The cloth is worn and frayed and there are what looks like old blood stains soaked into the fabric. Out of habit, she picks up the cloak and sniffs the cloth.

It smells like him. Rin blinks, surprised. She sniffs again and she's reminded of the same scent when he hugs her, warm and comforting like fresh sweat and cut grass. Blushing, she brings his cloak up against her nose and inhales deeply, nuzzling the fabric and closing her eyes.

"What are you doing?"

Rin jumps, turning around.

Shirou is standing at the doorway. It doesn't help that he looks like Archer right now, hair combed up and wearing that same stupid smirk he has whenever he's about to be a smartass. "Shut up!" Rin says, before he can say anything. "I wasn't smelling your stupid cloak, I was thinking it's dirty and gross and it needs to be washed, it smells like sweat and body odor and why are you laughing at me, Shirou, you stupid jerk!"

And so goes a typical morning.

He makes her breakfast. Rin sits at the table while Shirou fries eggs in a pan. There is coffee brewing. Rin tilts her head.

"Coffee?" Rin says. Shirou shrugs.

"I thought we could try something different," Shirou says, and he slides an egg onto a plate. "I brewed tea as well, in case you don't like it."

"You know I don't eat breakfast," Rin says. She picks up a piece of bacon and chews thoughtfully. "You should just cook for yourself, save yourself the trouble."

"I would rather make too much than have to get up and cook more," Shirou says. Rin frowns at him and picks at a potato.

"What is this?" Rin says.

"Fried potatoes. Do you like them?"

"They're not bad." She munches on a slice, absently.

It's a nice little life they've made for themselves, random disappearances and guardian duties aside. Rin does research at the Clock Tower and teaches classes while Shirou goes around and does whatever it is Shirou does in his off time, which mostly consists of him sitting in a corner tracing things. "What's the point?" Rin asked him, once. Shirou shrugged.

"It's a habit," Shirou said, and Rin knew how he used to sit on his little hill, replicating weapons to pass the time.

"You're allowed to leave the apartment, you know," Rin told him.

"Believe it or not, Rin, I do go outside from time to time." And there was a soft light in the center of his hand; a small jewel fell neatly into his palm.

"For your magic," Shirou said. Rin gawked at him.

"You traced me jewels?"

"They're expensive, right?"

"So instead of weapons, you're tracing gemstones?"

"Why not?" Shirou said. "There really isn't anything I can't replicate. I could replicate electronics too, if you actually knew how to use them."

It becomes a new kind of habit. Rin would come home and find Shirou has replicated a new emerald or sapphire or garnet, and he would leave the gemstones scattered around the house, the way a cat would leave gifts of dead animals for its master.

Now she nearly trips over a baseball-sized diamond sitting at the corner of the kitchen. She bends over to pick it up, marveling a little at its size. "Where did you see this?" Rin says.

"At the museum," Shirou says.

"You traced me a diamond you saw at a museum?"

"It belonged to a queen." He grins at her, slyly. Rin shakes her head.

"You need a new hobby," Rin says.

 

*****

 

2.

People are freaking out at the Clock Tower, and Rin has no idea why. "What's going on?" Rin asks, but evidently people are too busy to answer even a simple question.

"Luvia," Rin says, and Luvia stops. "Why's everyone running around? Did something happen?" Luvia sniffs, annoyed.

"Well of course only a plebian wouldn't know," Luvia says, and Rin rolls her eyes. "I might be convinced to tell you if _Sherou_ is here...I never did understand what it is he sees in you, but I suppose gutter diving is just the thing for some people..."

"You know what, I just realized I don't care," Rin says, and she starts to walk away.

"The ley lines are weakening," Luvia calls. Rin stops.

"What did you say?" Rin says.

"The earth's ley lines," Luvia says. "Apparently there's some astrological phenomenon that's happening soon. Everyone's magic will increase threefold and the earth's ley lines will weaken, for a moment. Where is Sherou, anyway?" Luvia says.

"When is this supposed to happen?" Rin says.

"I asked you a question first," Luvia says.

"I--ugh! He's at home. When are the ley lines disappearing?"

"It's supposed to happen during the lunar eclipse, but it'll only last for a few moments. My god, woman, you really should pay more attention."

"The lunar eclipse," Rin says. "That's next week."

"I know," Luvia says. She waves her hands dismissively. "There's plenty of time to take advantage, and yet these peons keep running around. I told them, I don't care if it happens only once every two hundred years, it's still _next week_ , there is plenty of time to prepare. But of course they don't listen. Peons never do," Luvia says, and she turns to see Rin has already left her.

"My god, not you too," Luvia says, but Rin already started sprinting down the hall.

 

****

 

"You're back late," Shirou says. He's frowning at her, taking her coat. "I would have cooked, but I wasn't sure when you were coming home. Do you want to go out?"

"Not unless you want to," Rin says. He kisses her on the temple and walks back to the kitchen. "You're not being summoned?"

"It doesn't seem so," Shirou says. He ties on an apron. "It looks like we have the night together."

"That's good," Rin says. Shirou smiles.

Should she tell him? Rin watches as Shirou moves around the kitchen, opening a sack of potatoes and peeling them expertly with a knife. She used to nag him that he should use a peeler, he could cut himself that way, but Shirou insisted he could peel them faster with a knife. "Don't come crying to me when you cut off a finger," Rin told him.

Now she watches as he peels, the potato skin making a smooth spiral as he cuts. He pushes the dull side of the blade down with his thumb and she sees how his long fingers taper gracefully over the handle. _He's used to handling knives_ , Rin thinks, and she thinks of the ley lines again. He catches her eye and smiles.

If he didn't come back here, Rin would have broken his pact anyway. At least this way she can say goodbye.

But she can't do that to him. She knows Shirou too well, if she tells him it will spoil things. Let him enjoy his last few days. She can tell him before she begins.

 

****

 

3.

EMIYA wakes, and it takes a moment for him to adjust to his surroundings. Canopy bed, dark, mahagony furniture and thick, embroidered curtains, he realizes he is in Rin's old bedroom.

"I thought we were in London," EMIYA says. Rin groans.

"We're in Fuyuki City," Rin says. She rolls over the blankets, hugging a pillow. "I packed clothes for you, they're in that suitcase."

"Why are we in Fuyuki City?" EMIYA asks. Rin waves her hand.

"I felt like visiting. Just let me lie down a few more minutes, okay?"

He dresses; walks around their kitchen, makes tea and breakfast. The clock ticks. He can hear her pacing around upstairs.

He opens the door quietly, and sees her standing in the middle of the room, hugging his cloak. The last time he saw her doing this, she had threatened all sorts of violence on him for forgetting to knock. Now he walks over toward her and she doesn't even bat an eye.

"I wish there were a way I could keep this," Rin says. She hugs the cloak to her chest, before setting it down again. She seems oddly sad.

"What is wrong?" EMIYA says. He presses a hand to her shoulder. Rin shakes her head.

"I'm just a little jetlagged, I'm fine," Rin says. She smiles. "I was actually thinking I'd like some breakfast," Rin says. EMIYA frowns.

"You never want breakfast," EMIYA says.

"It's past dinnertime in London, I feel like eating," Rin says. EMIYA sighs.

"Would you believe this was the one time I cooked only for myself?"

"And that's generally good advice." She pecks him on the cheek. "I want eggs," Rin says, and she skips into the bathroom. "And I want coffee, too. I really liked it last time you made it."

"Hm," EMIYA says. She blows him a kiss through the door.

 

*****

 

"Ne, Shirou?"

"Hm?"

"Do you think...do you think you could replicate your cloak? For me to keep, I mean," Rin says. EMIYA frowns.

"Why would you want my cloak?" EMIYA says.

"I dunno. In case I miss you, I guess," Rin says. She seems sad again, but only for a brief moment: she screws up her face and yells at him, "It's normal for a girl to want her boyfriend's cloak, okay?"

"Fine, fine," EMIYA says, and he obliges her. The cloak appears in his hand.

"This isn't the same," Rin says. She frowns and thumbs the fabric.

"I beg to differ," EMIYA says.

"I know, but..." she frowns. "You haven't worn this," Rin says, and she hands it back to him.

"My cloak is disgusting, I thought we already decided that," EMIYA says, sitting next to her. "I'd let you keep it if I could, but it always comes with me. But why are you so interested in it now? We've been together for almost a year and I'm not usually gone all that long."

"You're still carrying around that amulet," Rin says. EMIYA frowns.

The last few summonings were particularly brutal. After that first night when Rin had to pull the swords from his back, it took him no less than ten times before he was able to complete his mission. Ever since that night, the killings have been harder, and more and more he's been coming back bleeding and wounded. He knows she's been worried about him; it's starting to take its toll.

"I think I know what this is about," EMIYA says. Rin lifts her eyes.

"You do?"

"You're afraid something might happen while I'm summoned," EMIYA says, and he squeezes her hand. "I promise you, Rin. The worst that can happen is I'll bleed all over your carpet again and maybe mess up your bathtub. I'm sorry I have to keep putting you through this."

Rin is quiet for a long time. She leans against his arm and doesn't say anything.

"Rin?"

"You know how you can make it up to me?" Her tone is light; she lays her head abruptly onto his lap.

"Er...how?"

"By taking me out on a date."

"A date?" EMIYA says. Rin looks up at him and grins.

"We're back in Fuyuki," Rin says. "Aren't you the least bit curious to see how it's changed?"

 

*****

 

4.

"You look different," Maki says. Her face is about an inch away from Shirou's, who is leaning back from her, frowning.

"Uh, I do?"

"Yeah," Maki says. "Aside from the gray hair and the tan, I get that you were in the desert, those things are to be expected! But...I think you're taller."

Behind them, Rin shakes her head. Even now, after having been with Shirou-the-guardian for almost a year, it's strange to her to see Archer taking on his younger self's old mannerisms: Archer laughs nervously, doesn't look Maki in the eye, and mumbles, "Oh. I suppose I have."

"Not just _suppose_ ," Maki says. Her eyes narrow. "You even sound different."

"Uh..."

"Doesn't he sound different?" Maki says to Ayako, who's sitting next to her.

"His voice sounds deeper," Ayako says.

"Yes! Exactly. Deeper. More full-bodied."

"We're all older," Shirou says, in a desperate attempt to change the conversation. "It is only natural if we look a little worse for wear."

"You don't look 'worse,' you got really buff," Maki says. "And what's with that proper way of speaking?"

"Uh, well--"

"Shirou did a lot of pushups in the desert," Rin says. "He also got yelled at a lot, so that's probably why."

"You were a soldier of fortune, right?" Ayako sucks on her straw.

"You could call it that," Shirou says. Maki is still staring at him. "...What now?"

"Your _eyes_ are a different color, you know that?" Maki says. Rin huffs at them.

"They're the same damn color! And are you two idiots done staring at my boyfriend? Because it's starting to get kind of rude," Rin says. The two women raise their hands.

"That was excruciating," Shirou says, when they somehow manage to make a strategic retreat. "I thought this 'date' would be just the two of us."

"I can't help it if we run into people," Rin says.

 

*****

 

Nothing has really changed in Fuyuki City. It is as EMIYA remembers it: the same open streets, the same neighborhoods and shops. Even their old high school is the same. "Oh," Rin says, as if remembering.

"You haven't had a chance to see the new temple, have you?"

They walk to the outskirts of the city, up the steps where Assassin used to guard the gate and toward the courtyard where they fought Caster. But Ryuudo Temple looks nothing like EMIYA remembers. "Everything is modernized," Issei says, and EMIYA feels himself grinning when he sees him. "We have air conditioning now, and even free wifi. Not that it draws a lot of parishioners, but it is convenient."

"Issei," EMIYA says. Issei grins.

"Emiya! It's been a long time."

He claps EMIYA on the shoulder. "Wow. You look different," Issei says.

"So do you," EMIYA says. He looks at Issei's monks robes and nods, approvingly.

Rin leans against the doorway, wearing a small little smile and crossing her arms. "I'll leave you boys to catch up," Rin says. She smiles again. "Love you."

"Er...Love you, too." EMIYA frowns a little. It's not like her to say that. Then again, she might be doing that to annoy Issei, and it seems to be working. Issei's mouth turns down at the corners in vague distaste.

"I still don't understand what you see in that vixen," Issei says. EMIYA smiles apologetically.

"Tohsaka isn't bad, once you get to know her."

"You sound whipped," Issei says. "Like she's got you under her spell."

EMIYA laughs a little. "I thought monks don't cast judgment?"

"Who says I am judging? I'm merely telling you what I see with both eyes."

Somehow, EMIYA ends up sitting in one of the back rooms, fixing a few of the temple's portable heaters. "This is terrible of me," Issei says. "You come to visit and I put you back to work."

"I don't mind." EMIYA pries off the cover and exposes the wires. "I'm happy to help a friend."

Issei sighs. "There is such a thing as being too considerate," Issei says.

"I believe you told that to me before," EMIYA says.

"I have?"

"Mm." EMIYA twists a screwdriver. "You told me I was 'opening myself up to being taken advantaged of,' and that I would burn myself out if I didn't start saying 'no,' once in a while. All very good advice, by the way. I just wish I were smart enough to listen." He taps the cover shut, admiring his handiwork. "It's fixed," EMIYA says. Issei frowns.

"Emiya," Issei says. "There is something I've been meaning to ask you."

"What is it?" EMIYA says. Issei frowns.

"Why haven't you and Tohsaka gotten married yet?" Issei says. EMIYA looks down at his hands. "Emiya. Come on. It's been years since the temple was re-built, and she's still stuck by you. I've heard about the things you've done," Issei says. "Becoming a soldier of fortune and dragging her around the desert. That's no way to treat a woman. You need to stop fooling around."

"I know," EMIYA says, quietly.

"Well if you know, you need to get serious already," Issei says. "Settle down. Have a family. You can't keep playing hero forever."

"Ahem," Rin says, and both men turn toward the doorway. Rin smiles.

"I don't believe in marriage, Ryuudou-kun."

"T-Tohsaka!" Issei's eyes bulge out of his sockets. "So you've been stringing Emiya along!"

"Yes," Rin says. "I figure, why get married when all that will do is complicate things? What if I meet someone else? I can't be tied down like that."

"You vixen!" Issei says. EMIYA sighs and stands.

"She doesn't mean that," EMIYA says.

"Emiya! She's using you! Kick her to the curb!"

"You're a good friend, Issei," EMIYA says, and he sets down the space heater.

 

*****

 

5.

"Did you see Ryuudou-kun's face? I thought he was going to pop an aneurysm!"

It's nighttime now, and they're sitting on a hill, overlooking the city. Rin is laughing, leaning against him. It feels nice. He feels her snake her hand around his arm as she speaks to him, touching his leg occasionally for emphasis. "Such a diligent guy," Rin is saying. "Some people never change!"

Her eyes are bright and her hair whips around her like banners; he touches her shoulder, quietly.

"It doesn't bother you, what Issei said? About the two of us?" EMIYA says.

"Ryuudou-kun doesn't know a thing about us. It's fine," Rin says. EMIYA looks at his hands.

"Hey," Rin says. "You're not getting depressed over something that stupid, right?"

"Why are you with me?" EMIYA says.

"What do you mean?" Rin says. EMIYA frowns.

"Issei is right; I dragged you around the desert and I strung you along. You should have gotten married, had a family. You shouldn't have stuck around a useless guy like me."

"Hm. Well the sex was good," Rin says. She leans against him. "Still is, in fact."

"You don't regret it?" EMIYA says.

"Why should I? You make me happy."

He smiles and he kisses her, and it's comfortable and nice, leaning her against him and resting his chin against her hair.

 "Do you remember your last night alive?" Rin says.

EMIYA laces his hand in hers. "Why are you thinking about that?" EMIYA says.

"I don't know. I just am." She picks at a piece of thread, frowning. "I just keep thinking, the last night you were alive, you warmed up a little can of stew and did pushups by the bed, and I was too tired for sex, but I was going to let you, because the sex is always good and I like having sex with you. But you told me, 'that's okay, Tohsaka, just go to sleep.' And then we went to bed. And that was our last night together."

"You couldn't have known," EMIYA says. "I had forewarning and I didn't know, either."

"It's just....I didn't mean to take you for granted," she says quietly.

"I never felt you had," EMIYA says.

"Shirou," Rin says, and a shadow falls over her eyes. "There's something I need to tell you."

She turns to look at him, taking his hands into hers.

"I found the ley lines that are keeping you bound to the world," Rin says.

"What?" EMIYA says.

"They cross through the old Fuyuki powerplant. That's why I came here in the first place."

She is gripping his hands but she's not looking at him. He can't see her face.

"I've done a lot of research, and ordinarily the type of pact you made is ironclad. There's no way to break them," Rin says. "But tonight there is a way. For the first time in two hundred years, certain stars will align with our moon in its orbit, and the strength of those ley lines will weaken. If I play my cards right, I believe I can fracture them," Rin says, and she looks up. Moonlight catches her face. "I believe I can set you free."

Her words hang like a distant fog. EMIYA grips her hands.

"I would no longer be a guardian?"

"No," Rin says. Her voice is hollow.

"Rin," EMIYA says, and he hugs her. "I love you," he says. "I love you and I'm so lucky to have you. I don't tell you this enough, but you've saved my life more times than I can count. Thank you," he says. "You are a remarkable woman, Tohsaka Rin. I am so lucky to have you."

"Stop that," Rin says, and she starts to cry. "You're supposed to say something snarky and mean, you're not supposed to act that way."

"Why are you crying?" EMIYA says. He kisses her and presses his forehead against hers, framing her face in his hands. "This is a good thing, right? After tonight I'll be your permanent familiar."

She pulls away from him, shaking her head.

"Rin?"

"You won't," Rin says. She turns away from him, crossing her arms.

"Once I do this, you'll re-enter the cycle of life and death. We'll probably never see each other again."

Above them, a slow wind rises, moving strands of hair along Rin's face, and it's like that noose tightening around his neck again. Choking and hot and hardly able to breathe.

"I wanted the day to be perfect," Rin says, and a tear slips as she closes her eyes. "I knew it would be our last."

"Rin," he says. She turns to look up at him. Moonlight catches her face, and EMIYA feels his heart in his throat. She has that same determined look on her face he remembers; he saw that face the day of his execution.

"The timing is wrong," Rin says, quietly. "I wish I could do it at the end...when I'm old and gray and won't have any regrets. But this is the only time I can do this. I told you I'd set you free, didn't I?"

"But what about you?" EMIYA says.

"Hmph. You seem to think very highly of yourself. I'll be fine. I can start dating again. Maybe someone who isn't a self-sacrificing asshole."

"No one said you had to do this," EMIYA says.

"I have to," Rin says.

"I don't want you to," EMIYA says.

"Don't try to talk me out of this, you jerk! Just think about yourself, for once!" She takes a breath, wiping her eyes.

"I'm not going to live forever," Rin says. "I'm going to die someday, and when I do, you're going to be alone again. It's not worth it."

"Rin," Shirou says. Rin shakes her head.

"The moon is out," Rin says. She wipes her eyes and stands. "I need to start getting prepared."

 

*****

 

6.

Her mana is highest at 2 a.m., so they still have a few hours before she performs the incantation. Silently they walk back to the Tohsaka mansion, where Rin gathers her jewels into a knapsack. "I need the amulet too," Rin says, and Shirou hesitates a moment, before handing it to her.

"What are you going to do with it?"

"I'm going to melt it during the incantation," Rin says. She closes her eyes. "After tonight they'll be nothing left."

Shirou says nothing. He waits by the corner while Rin picks up her jewels and scrolls, tying them up into her pack.

"Ne, Shirou. We still have a few hours yet. Will you--" and she hesitates a moment. "Will you make love to me? One more time, I mean?"

He looks at her like he wants to cry, but he just nods, quietly. He walks over to her and kisses her, cupping her face and touching his forehead next to hers.

The clock chimes midnight. Reluctantly she pulls herself out of bed and wraps a blanket around herself, kneeling by the cloak.

"What are you doing?" Shirou says. Rin draws an incantation circle and picks up one of her jewels.

"It just occurred to me how I can save your cloak," Rin says. The jewel ignites; the circle pulses with yellow flame. "I'm going to turn it into my familiar, so I can keep it when you're gone."

The flames die down and the cloak sparkles with blue light. Command seals burn into the back of her hand.

"Well this is pretty worthless," Rin says, looking at the back of her hand. "It's not like I can command your cloak to teleport me somewhere."

It's almost 2 AM when they make their way into the abandoned powerplant. She draws the incantation circle and has Shirou stand in the center. "Okay," Rin says. Jewels drip. Mana flares and burns. "Are you ready?"

Shirou nods. She's about to start the incantation but she starts to cry again. "Don't," Rin says, just as Shirou is about to come toward her. "We can't keep doing this. My mana is at its peak, we don't have time to keep saying goodbye."

"Okay," Shirou says. Rin takes a breath, then starts the incantation.

First is the glow. The circle around him glows blue, then yellow, motes of yellow light floating upwards around him. Next his body rises; she can see the outline of his body start to dissipate, crumbling away like ash from a burning piece of paper.

There is a flash of light as Rin reaches the end, chanting the words louder over the sound.

And then there's darkness. The light around the circle dies, and Rin looks up to see Shirou floating in front of her, motes of mana drifting off his body.

She wants to say goodbye. Wants to tell him again that she loves him, that she's always loved him, that she's never regretted a single day with him. But the circle fades and the ley lines break, and his soul has gone and bled out into the ether.

 

*****

 

7.

The light in London is a watery kind; it sluices down buildings and drips through the angled glass, casting everything in an overcast haze. This time, Rin doesn't let her apartment get into disarray; Shirou had always complained that she was a slovenly girl - what kind of woman leaves her underwear hanging out on the kitchen table? - and Rin is careful to keep doing the dishes, throw away the trash. Keep to a routine, if only to get through the day.

Luvia, of all people, is the most sympathetic, somehow having pried the whole sorry affair out from her after she caught her secretly weeping in her office. "You're not coming out?" Luvia says. She raps her knuckles on the door. "You are a mess, Miss Tohsaka. If Shereou could see you he'd be rolling in his grave! I suppose it's not too surprising," Luvia says. "Only a slug would keep wallowing in its grief. Do you hear that Miss Tohsaka? I just called you a slug," Luvia says, and she's irritating and grating enough that Rin forces herself to open the door.

"What do you want?" Rin says. Luvia sniffs and puts her hands on her hips.

"I thought we should go to lunch," Luvia says. "And this should go without saying, but I do believe it would be prudent for you to shower, first."

She showers and is about to grab her purse when she sees it: a small ruby, tucked haphazardly in her drawer.

Sometimes, when she least expects it, she comes across another gemstone.

 

*****

 

His cloak is tucked in an unassuming corner at the side of her bed, bunched into a ball and sharing the coveted spot between her blanket and pillow. " _That_ is an energy suck," Luvia told her. "You need to get rid of it, if you want to move on."

It's true. The cloak serves no other purpose except to simply _exist_ , but it still drains as much mana as Archer did; even now, she can feel the thin trickle of mana leaking out from her, giving it shape and form.

She sits heavily on the bed. The cloak has long lost Shirou's smell and the fabric has grown dirty and careworn, but she can't bring herself to get rid of it. It's her only thing left of him.

She falls asleep with it pressed against her face, her knees curled to her chest, lying in the corner.

 

*****

 

_"Rin."_

_"Rin."_

_"Rin," he says, and Rin opens her eyes._

_They are standing in the wasteland. Around her, there is nothing but a flatness that stretches out toward the horizon, gray sheets of rock and overcast skies. There are no swords here, and Shirou is not wearing his cloak._

_"Shirou," Rin says, and tears fill her eyes. "Shirou, what are you doing here?"_

_"I couldn't leave," Shirou says, and Rin begins to weep._

_"You're still stuck here," Rin says, agonized. "I'm so sorry--Shirou I made things worse!"_

_"You didn't," he says, and he holds her and kisses her, stroking her hair. "But you know, Rin, I still have regrets. You don't look happy," he says, and Rin cries into his shoulder._

_"I miss you," Rin says._

_"I know," Shirou says, and he holds her. "But Rin. I need you to forget me. I need to know that you'll be okay."_

_"Would that help you rest easy? So you can go without any regrets?" Rin says._

_"Yes," Shirou says. Rin closes her eyes._

_"Then I'll forget you," Rin says. "It'll take some time, but I won't keep looking back. I'll forget you and I'll meet someone else, and I'll live the rest of my life without you._

_But right now, I still miss you," Rin says, and she sobs into his shoulder_.

 

*****

 

The mansion was dark when Rin stepped inside again, after having dragged herself from the ruins of the Fuyuki powerplant. Her mana was spent; she flipped on the light to the kitchen and wasn't surprised to see leftovers carefully packed in the fridge. "That guy," Rin said, shaking her head.  
  
She ate. Set the plate in the sink, and told herself she will wash it tomorrow, before dragging herself upstairs.  
  
His cloak was still on the chair. Silently she picked it up and held it to her face.  
  
It still smelled like him. Her hands were shaking. Tears silently dripped onto the floor.

 

*****

 

She wakes facedown against his cloak, a thin line of saliva dripping from the corner of her mouth.

Bad dreams and old memories. It's enough to make Rin feel nauseous and hung over.

"Ugh," Rin says, and she wipes her hand across her face. She can feel the crease marks from where she fell asleep against the fabric, and her hair is a tangled mess. "I look terrible."

"You always look terrible," EMIYA says, "When you think no one is around."

"Shirou?!"

"Rin," EMIYA says, and she lurches forward to hug him. She sobs hysterically and wraps her arms around him in a vice grip, then spends the next few minutes crying and pretending not to wipe her nose all over his shirt. Shirou for the most part just stands there and holds her, rocking her gently and kissing her hair.  
  
"I don't understand," Rin says, and she holds him tighter. "I didn't summon you. You should have passed on, how are you here? Why?"

"I think I may be haunting you," EMIYA says, frowning.

"Huh?!"

"Too many regrets," EMIYA says. He smiles. "If not for your crest, you probably wouldn't even see me right now."

"You're a ghost?" Rin says.

"At the very least, I'm not a guardian," EMIYA says.

"But I can touch you..." Rin says. EMIYA shrugs.

"I think I might be attached to that cloak," EMIYA says.

"Stupid Shirou! Why didn't you come here before?!"

"I didn't have the mana," EMIYA says. "I had to siphon quite a bit from that cloak before I could even speak to you. Our connection is an indirect one, and rather tenuous at best. Although I suppose there are other ways to strengthen it," he says, but Rin is already pulling off her nightgown.

"You talk too much," Rin says, and she pushes him onto the ground.

 

*****

 

 

_"That is what I want of you—out of the sight and sound of other people, to lie close to you and let the world rush by. To watch with you suns rising and moons rising in that purple edge outside most people’s vision—to hear high music that only birds can hear—oh, my dearest, dearest, would it not be wonderful, just once to be together again for a little while?"_

 

 

 end.


End file.
